Late Night Mumbling

Even after the heat has gone down, I'm still in love with this song and the movie: 

田馥甄

小幸運

電影 我的少女時代 主題曲

我聽見雨滴 落在青青草地

我聽見遠方 下課鐘聲響起

可是我沒有聽見你的聲音 認真呼喚我姓名

愛上你的時候 還不懂感情

離別了 才覺得刻骨銘心

為什麼沒有發現 遇見了你 是生命最好的事情

也許當時忙著微笑和哭泣

忙著追逐天空中的流星

人理所當然的忘記

是誰風裡 雨裡 一直默默守護在原地

原來你是 我最想留住的幸運

原來我們 和愛情曾經靠得那麼近

那為我對抗世界的決定 那陪我淋的雨

一幕幕都是你 一塵不染的真心

與你相遇 好幸運

可我已失去 為你淚流滿面的權利

但願在我看不到的天際 你張開了雙翼

遇見你的註定 她會有多幸運

青春是段跌跌撞撞的旅行

擁有著後知後覺的美麗

來不及感謝 是你給我勇氣 讓我能做回我自己

也許當時忙著微笑和哭泣

忙著追逐天空中的流星

人理所當然的忘記

是誰風裡 雨裡 一直默默守護在原地

原來你是 我最想留住的幸運

原來我們 和愛情曾經靠得那麼近

那為我對抗世界的決定 那陪我淋的雨

一幕幕都是你 一塵不染的真心

與你相遇 好幸運

可我已失去為你淚流滿面的權利

但願在我看不到的天際 你張開了雙翼

遇見你的註定

她會有多幸運

Too often when I'm watching movie/anime, I wonder why is my school life so dull and all - without all these drama, romance and excitement. Wouldn't it be nice to have such memories? I mean, even though it might not be dreams come through, at least you've worked hard for something/someone, really passionate about something/someone, impacted lives, and say and do what you should have said and done. However, I'm still thankful for the people that I have met, things that I've done with them and the innocence that we've shared. Those are what make me who I am today. Perhaps, sometimes I just wish that I've made more efforts in nurturing the relationships, to have really close friends. This line of lyric particularly speaks to me, 

也許當時忙著微笑和哭泣，忙著追逐天空中的流星，人理所當然的忘記 是誰風裡 雨裡 一直默默守護在原地。

It says, people often forget and take for granted those who silently/secretly protecting them when they are busy chasing dreams or enjoying life. What a sad truth to learn! I like what John C. Maxwell always promotes, intentional living. We have be taking for granted so many things, we thought we will learn many things naturally. However, as the matter of fact, that is not true at all. Even the most basic actions such as baby eating on their own, walking, making friends and managing emotions, are acquired intentionally, whether or not we realise it. They don't come naturally. This is also what I've been trying to practice - to be intentional. I forget sometimes, so I have to keep reminding myself until it becomes a habit. To be honest, it is not easy but it will happen. And it certainly makes me happier. :目

Ohhkkayyy. Back to work. Till I write again, Readers. 

Growing Up

Re-watched some of the Studio Ghibli's movies recently. It fascinates me that the way I think and feel changed so much over the years. Even though some remained the same, many things that I couldn't comprehend or empathise in the past started to make sense now. I couldn't tell when my train of thoughts evolved, but I know for certain they are no longer the same.

Constructive Mind

I am really thankful for one of my lecturers.

I was worried that he would show disappointment or become angry at me because of my work progresses, thus was reluctant to attend his tutorial. Yet God reminded me that all I have to do is to give my best in everything, and not to let other people's opinions about me become a burden that stumble me. (Yes, I'm working on my self-confidence currently, but not one in my own abilities but what God can and is doing through me. I'm not letting Mr. S.A. Tan rip me of my identity in Christ anymore! >:) ) So, there, I took up my courage and went. As I walked, I was like, "Lord, let Your favour come upon me!"

Surprisingly, this lecturer is nothing like the other lecturers that I have had before. He was so encouraging and full of grace, and he didn't belittle any of his students in his actions, words, behaviours and gestures. He told me and friend story about one of his students who succeeded by going extra miles, even though she was without design flair. It is the attitude in handling the assignments that matters. Of course, he told us more than that! Everything just kept building me up and gave me more motivation and inspiration. This is the kind of teacher I want to be, not necessary in education industry though. Hehehe!

Thank you, Mr. Vickram. You inspire me :)

I'm fully charged and ready to take on whatever that is left. I'm finishing this race triumphantly because God in me is able and He enables me. He is my hope and my future.

Speaking about hope, the enemy would always use worldly circumstances to dishearten us and to crush our hope because without hope, we parish, we cease to operate in faith and love. So it's vital to look beyond the worldly conditions and into the spiritual realms - Christ has overcame all!

Victory belongs to the Lord! 

An Honest Confession

I am proud to announce that I'm graduating real soon as an Interior Architect. Yay... It's a lie. Well, I do look forward to finishing the course asap but for the time being, I feel extremely stressful and overwhelmed I just feel like quitting.

I had anxiety issue when I was younger and it was part of the reasons I was unable to perform during the most important occasions. I would be so restless and worried that nothing could actually penetrate  my mind. I would be so trembled in fear, as if my sanity is being torn apart. I had it dealt with a few years ago and since then nothing was too stressful to overcome. 

However, it seems like there are still some fragments here and there. They unknowingly accumulate and grow in the deepest part of my mind. Recently, whenever I felt threatened by the situations, I wanted to just withdraw and disappear. I almost broke down in several incidences. I was having creativity block and constantly feeling fatigue and worn out, as if the fire of life is being put out. There was not a thing I felt excited or passionate about. I didn't want to face any of it. Later, it somehow occurred to me that these are all too familiar, like something that I have had for a long time but forgotten or buried, yet different. 

There were so much confusions and distress but God! He is a God who is close to the brokenhearted and crushed in the spirit (Psalm 34:18). He gave me revelation of the time and seasons in my life, and it propelled me to move forward and not give up. He showed me that it is exactly because I am entering a major transition period that He is allowing this "anxiety attack" so that I can deal with it completely and wrap up the last seasons properly before entering a whole new season. Even as I'm typing this article out, God is revealing new things about me to myself and I am grateful for that. I am so thankful that amidst all these trials and misery, I chose to cling on to Him. Oh... Of course along the way unconsciously I grumbled against Him, had my volcanos erupted, cried, retaliated, etc. but God always knew when to speak to me, show me things and words, to encourage me and to lift me up effectively. He is gracious to allow all those outbursts without forsaking me because He is a God who does not define me by what I did and do, but by who I am in Christ. For me, I guess, maturity comes through experiences like these sometimes. I have learned to control my emotions better over the past weeks, at least good enough to not cause troubles to people around me. 

What I wanted to say is that, upon entering and during transitions, things get messed up but it's alright. I am still fighting anxiety, trying to close the "door" and demolish it, but it's a process that I have to go through to develop what is required in me and of me to achieve my destiny. And for that to succeed, I have to learn to focus on God and not concern myself with how others may think, as well as the pace that I'm moving at. "One step at a time," He says, "it doesn't matter if it's just baby steps, one step at a time will bring you further than you can imagine, further than when you're rushing outside of My timing for you. Just one step at a time." Acceleration comes naturally when one has learned to walk steadily and punctually. 

I have decided to write this because I want anyone reading this to know that though people seldom talk about it, you are never alone in this. I don't want to tell people how it is when it's over. I want to walk them through it together. I can do it because God is my strength and my stronghold. I really thank God, the Jehovah Jireh, for providing spiritual advices, supports and guidances through revelations, family and friends, and spiritual leaders.

https://lancewallnau.com

I am an overcoming bride of Christ.