"Why do you need something totally useless and yet so expensive?"
There aren't reasons for everything, ma.
Showing posts with label the condition of my heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the condition of my heart. Show all posts
Melody
Sing for me, if you will.
Your voice will be the only sweet melody that flows not just into my ears,
but my heart too.
For my future husband, whoever you will be.
A Love-Song
I want to sing a love-song, a love-song for you, and only for you.
No words are perfect enough to depict the indescribable beauty of your creation
and your magnificent acts of faithfulness.
I stand amazed before you
For I can only marvel at your greatness and worship your abounding love.
Thorns you wore, blood your shed
To mend a broken soul.
You, only you.
If you will,
The blind may see and the lame may walk.
A terrified heart you comforted,
An empty life you filled with joy.
Freedom from bondage we claim because our ransom you paid.
Willingly you gave up your throne for us to believe in a tomorrow.
Not a thousand thank you is ever sufficient for me
to tell how thankful I am,
to be your child.
Love.
Rays of Hope on A Journey Worth Remembering
O Lord, I bring to you the weariness and disappointment that a heart so fragile and weak as mine could not possibly endure. No, I give you my heart, all of it. Mend it, O Lord, use it, and make it wholly thine.
To you alone I surrender my egoism and my pride.
A girl so deeply in love with her own thoughts, never stops assuming what she does are acceptable and pleasing in God's eyes. Yet she forgets to trust like a child and overlooks her own weakness to obey faithfully.
Chapter 1: Doubt Doubt Doubt
It wasn't even a delightful semester to begin with because failures have already marked the starting point predominantly. Results, utterly disappointing. Relationships, heartbreaking. Academic, super stressful. I was practically ashamed of myself due to my lack of abilities in making the best out of the opportunities given to me. I have to admit, I wasn't brave enough to face all the failures back then. I cried and I questioned God in hopelessness. How little faith my soul possessed! The next few weeks was a total disaster, meaningless and destructive as it was, nothing really succeeded in motivating me. The emptiness I felt within was so real and I kind of doubted if God existed. If He does, He will sweep away the dusts of regrets and change my slowly-dying heart with a new one full of love, hope, peace, and joy. I, no longer the O-Lord-I-have-a-burning-desire-for-You. The fire was at its tip of getting exhausted.
[ Here, I owe a big thank you to my mum, who never stops listening to my complains, heartaches, disappointments. She constantly encourages and reminds me of God's grace. Thank you mummy. ]
Despite being incertitude of whether I have chosen the right paths, I still prayed and waited quietly for His answers - my instinct told me that my God is faithful. Great works always require a certain level of patience, aren't they?
O God, I need miracles.
Chapter 2: Epiphany
I forgot what happened next for I have very limited memory space in my brain-drive. The situations were basically still the same. No, it became better each day. Not that I performed better in my academics (maybe I did), nor I am involved in a new relationship, perhaps it's the change of my perspective toward life. God showed me quite candidly the matter of success and failure serves only to boost our fame and popularity for a temporary period of time - the effects aren't even long-lasting. He told me not to focus on the worldly achievements, also not to bother how others may think of me. With a small but still voice He reminds me, I am your God, the God of second chances. Look to me and I will walk with you. Remember, My grace is ever sufficient for you. All your worries, all your anxiety are nothing compared to all the blessings I have showered on you.
Every morning I wake up a fresh beginning, knowing God is omnipresence. He walks by my side when I am well, He carries me when I am too weak for the challenges. Like a bird my soul experiences freedom and rejoices. No more second thought, I am living for you my dear God.
You are my child, ask and you shall receive.
Chapter 3: Hope Is In Every Breath That I Breathe
Though not immediately, I felt a ray of hope shining down upon me like the sunshine falling on my skin. The walls of doubt slowly crumbled, tossed, and torn as the words of God diffused into my blood and cells. I felt my soul renewed in the presence of Christ Jesus. I found new purposes in life, to aspire for God, not gold; to see the needs of the people, not myself; to boast the love of Jesus, not my accomplishments. Only God has the power to give me breath and will and hence I will breathe for Him alone.
I see faith in You, O Lord. You are my hope.
Chapter 4: Leaps of Faith
God knows exactly how I loath at the necessitate to give up something I am confident with in order to start another journey which I have no idea at all where it will bring me to. Honestly, although I understood clearly that it is God's blessing that I am offered a scholarship to further my studies abroad, I doubted whether or not I have chosen the right path for my future career. Again, God through a new friend of mine, reminded me that sometimes He closes all the doors except one. And that will definitely be the correct one. All we need is a mass of faith, not fear. Expect more from Him. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Faith is bringing along an umbrella when you pray for rain, and not even a raincoat when you pray for good weather.
Chapter 5: God Is Good All The Time
My flight back to my hometown was postponed because I was forced to attend BTN (Biro Tatanegara) camp which was scheduled at the second week of my holiday. (FYI, I was supposed to reach home on the second day of my holiday.) Good grieve, Lord! You know how much I wanted to be at home now especially after all the mess I have created here.
But just as love never fails, God never fails too. God made the camp enjoyable and I didn't have a single regrets having to attend the camp.God's blessings were far more than I could count with my ten fingers. I'll list down a few major ones.
1. I met new friends from IMU, KTT, and Intec. They are amazing!
2. Now I understood the Malaysian Constitution in details more.
3. More creative ideas for fun games, teachings next time. They taught us things in very creative ways which made things easier to be remembered.
Too bad I did not have the privilege to experience the excitement of playing flying fox. Whoever prayed for rain that day, shame on you. xP
Rejoice! Seek carefully, there will always have blessings in disguise in midst of all the troubles.
Chapter 6: True Love Obeys God
A friend of mine has a blog full of life-changing testimonials and breath-taking stories. I especially like a post written regarding a vision given by God about love. There were fleshes of images where the thorns of roses pricked his fingers when he tried to pluck some. Then he saw a girl who later helped him to clean his wounds. Amazingly the wounds disappeared when she finished cleaning the wounds. Not even scars were seen, pains were felt. Through the visions, he heard God telling him that the girl God will give him will be the one who will make him not just everything he is, but will also come in and take away the pain of his past, and exchange it for the joy and assurance. Very true indeed.
Ps. You know who you are. I sincerely apologise for using the content without your consent. Thanks.
I think, there are a greater message hidden behind the visions. God, more powerful than all mankind, sent Jesus, His only begotten Son to die for our sins on the cross. Only He has the ability and power to wash us as clean as snow, give us joy, hope, and love. Therefore, focus solely on God, wait upon Him and not the world for what He gives are without flaws.
A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her.
Last Chapter: A Walk to Remember
Life is full of hopes though sometimes we may not notice it. Even when everything seems to be only in black and white, we can still see and experience God's miracles at works.
God is romantic. He shows His love to all of us in a very unique way, far special than any men on earth could ever think of. In fact, He is our lover. And we, His.
I HAVE AN AWESOME GOD.
Blessings More Than Anything Else.
God is awesome, as usual.
Went to Mid Valley with Zhi Han, Farouk, Yi Sheng and Shah yesterday. Laser tagging was our main agenda but apparently our timing wasn't perfect enough. SO, we decided to go for rock climbing instead. And thus we arrived in One Utama. (FYI, this is the first time I set my feet on the land of One Utama. Yeppies!)
Afterthought:
I complained and felt as if I was put in the hell when I came to this college for various reasons. Day by day, God showed me His grace and led me through all the hardships and trials. He taught me how to perceive matters from different perspectives and enjoy His wonderful works and the companionship of my new found friends. I think I have become very attached to this place, the people and the scenery. =)
Nb. Cut your nails before you go for rock-climbing.
Went to Mid Valley with Zhi Han, Farouk, Yi Sheng and Shah yesterday. Laser tagging was our main agenda but apparently our timing wasn't perfect enough. SO, we decided to go for rock climbing instead. And thus we arrived in One Utama. (FYI, this is the first time I set my feet on the land of One Utama. Yeppies!)
Mid Valley.
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| FULL OF BEAR BEARS. <3 |
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| Wee~ Bear bear! |
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| Toy wonderland in Mid Valley. Ready for Christmas! |
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| Just do it. |
My first rock climbing. ♥
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| Overview. |
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| Shah climbs. Yi Sheng belays. |
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| Spidermen Shah and Yi Sheng. |
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| Farouk and I. |
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| Shah the crazy rock-climber. xD |
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| Woo! This is scary! |
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| Guess where is the cameraman? |
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| At the top! By Shah. |
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| Cheese~ |
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| Fighting with Farouk. Duh. |
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| Zhi Han and I. =) |
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| Yi Sheng, the stickman. |
Saying bye bye to rock climbing. To One Utama we go!
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| One Utama. Classic! |
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| In front of one of the stores. |
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| My favourite photo of the day. x) |
Last stop.
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| I wouldn't experience so much fun if you guys weren't here. Thanks! |
Though I felt as if my hands were not mine anymore, I learned and gained much more (valuable experiences) from this trip. And I really love my friends.
Afterthought:
I complained and felt as if I was put in the hell when I came to this college for various reasons. Day by day, God showed me His grace and led me through all the hardships and trials. He taught me how to perceive matters from different perspectives and enjoy His wonderful works and the companionship of my new found friends. I think I have become very attached to this place, the people and the scenery. =)
Nb. Cut your nails before you go for rock-climbing.
Desire to be Fulfilled.
I want to go traveling - to see the face of the world and leave my footprints all over the lands!
Every Hope Every Dream
Whether or not it will come true, it doesn't matter.
Making a wish is as simple as ABC, but to make it comes true, we can only pray with faith and wait patiently, of course not forgetting to do our own parts. Throughout this particular year, God has made me realise that I am in no position to make any final decisions in my life but to obey him willingly. I learned that falling does not always result in endless disgrace but a process of humbling and molding oneself.
This year is a relatively tough year for me. Broken relationships, failures, illnesses, deaths, etc. Honestly when all these happened, I doubted his everlasting promises, I questioned his perfect timing, I turned away from his wonderful plans. Nonetheless, he has never fail to show me his grace and mercy. He gave me hope when I failed my examinations miserably, he comforted me when I was struck down by the deaths of two friends of mine, he surrounded me with his unconditional love when I felt hopeless with humans' flaws. My dreams he built and shaped gradually through all the events I experienced. Despite some doubts (still), I knew his love will remain through all odds.
Having family celebrating one's birthday together is the best gift ever.
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God gives me the faith of a little child - a faith that will look to thee, that will never falter and fail, that will follow thee trustingly.
**********
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. - John 15:13
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Traveling, always in my blood. Charity, a tunnel to spread God's love. God, where my heart is.
**********
This year is a relatively tough year for me. Broken relationships, failures, illnesses, deaths, etc. Honestly when all these happened, I doubted his everlasting promises, I questioned his perfect timing, I turned away from his wonderful plans. Nonetheless, he has never fail to show me his grace and mercy. He gave me hope when I failed my examinations miserably, he comforted me when I was struck down by the deaths of two friends of mine, he surrounded me with his unconditional love when I felt hopeless with humans' flaws. My dreams he built and shaped gradually through all the events I experienced. Despite some doubts (still), I knew his love will remain through all odds.
There is hope in every heartbeat.
Cherish every second and strive to do better without dwelling in the past.
**********
Boys don't matter much in this phrase of life. Friends are. Ambitions are.
God is.
My Deepest Love for You
Your contagious laughter, your promising encouragements,
Your soft voice, and the sweet melody from your violin,
When and how can I hear them again except refreshing back the old pieces of my memories?
My heart ached when I heard your mother passed away,
But now that you are gone, even tears cannot comfort my soul.
You are too young still, you have dreams unfulfilled,
But regret not. God knows you have run a victorious race,
That is why you are there with Him now.
I miss you dearly but my heart fills with joy knowing you will be in the arms of our Father in heaven forever.
I love you.
Love her. Make her smile.
既然喜欢她的笑，就不要让她学会哭。
Learned this very phrase from one of my friends: If you like seeing her smiling, don't teach her how to cry then. Basically, it is not letting someone you love and appreciate feels down/sad. Quite true though. In reality, often we will see people become moody or even jump off from buildings in the great name of love. But do they ever think of this before? People who love you will not let you cry. Those who will make you cry are not worth your tears. Of course it is not telling you to be a robot, feeling no sadness even after some sort of breaking ups. It is an experience to love and to be hurt. You will definitely feel emotional after all the heartaches. But then, after crying for a few days, weeks, months or even years, there is something you will need to learn - let go what is not meant for you. God generously gave his promise that he will not separate those he joins together. So why fear you will not meet Love again?
A Translator
Merely a translator I am,
Bridge between different ethnic groups.
Main task: Translating and conveying words
Aliens to my thoughts.
My ears observe and my tongue follows instructions
given by speakers of various languages.
It may sound poetic, with rhyme and rhythm,
Or even with adequate political or religious knowledge,
But none represents my own.
The voice - unheard.
Bridge between different ethnic groups.
Main task: Translating and conveying words
Aliens to my thoughts.
My ears observe and my tongue follows instructions
given by speakers of various languages.
It may sound poetic, with rhyme and rhythm,
Or even with adequate political or religious knowledge,
But none represents my own.
The voice - unheard.
Would You Lord
Would you still look on me with love after witnessing all my failures and weaknesses?
Would you cover me with hopes and peace when I am disappointed with myself and my work?
Would you colour my life if ever my world is becoming grey and is fading slowly?
Would you continue to water and nurture my soul if my flower is slow to bloom?
Would you still walk that extra miles with me when I am being indecisive and emotional at times?
Would you patiently correct me and wipe out the shame on my face when I am wrong again?
Would you kindly remind me of your presence if ever I am diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease?
Would you still proudly tell the world that I am your child when the whole world abhors me?
Would you mind to take this broken heart and mend it with your unconditional love?
Would you care if the only thing I could offer up to you is incomplete but is my all?
Oh God, I know you will never forsake me for you are faithful.
Paradox
It is ironic just how I am trying to be more cheerful and optimistic but I cannot. Sadness and its friends, they keep haunting me, though not every second. I am weary and tired but where can I find my refuge? Nothing seems right lately. I am worried and I am scared. But I have no one to turn to. Not that I do not have friends, but everyone has his/her things to bother. I really do not want to worry them. But I cannot stand alone. How can I ever think that I can walk this solo journey? I am not that strong after all. =(
Faith, where are you?
Hope, I really need you now.
Love, you seem so far away from me.
回忆。成长
随着时间的带领我们步入不同的时代
依然没有荣华富贵没有惊天动地的成就
偶尔的疯狂举动狂野的面世态度
却让一天的平凡变不平凡
试问此时此刻你心中在回忆着历史的哪一幕？
浮出的是那段曾经甜蜜美满的恋情
还是与死党成群笑闹做丢脸傻事之时
又或者是在你玻璃心上狠狠刻上一刀的他们
再试问有谁能信心十足的拍胸脯说
过去算什么？根本不足以让我留恋
更不可能约束我的举止行动使我牵肠挂肚
对本人而言
人生里有很多阶段
而每个阶段都具有它所属的目的
让我们成熟并确定我们未来的方向
在不同的季节里我们感受不同的心情
可以是白皑皑蔚蓝橙红或是粉蓝
全都是我们很重要的一部分
少了回忆 我们谁也不是
没有自己 一切都无所谓了
依然没有荣华富贵没有惊天动地的成就
偶尔的疯狂举动狂野的面世态度
却让一天的平凡变不平凡
试问此时此刻你心中在回忆着历史的哪一幕？
浮出的是那段曾经甜蜜美满的恋情
还是与死党成群笑闹做丢脸傻事之时
又或者是在你玻璃心上狠狠刻上一刀的他们
再试问有谁能信心十足的拍胸脯说
过去算什么？根本不足以让我留恋
更不可能约束我的举止行动使我牵肠挂肚
对本人而言
人生里有很多阶段
而每个阶段都具有它所属的目的
让我们成熟并确定我们未来的方向
在不同的季节里我们感受不同的心情
可以是白皑皑蔚蓝橙红或是粉蓝
全都是我们很重要的一部分
少了回忆 我们谁也不是
没有自己 一切都无所谓了
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