Fear.

It's only after I saw her I realised I'm still very much intimidated by my past failures. I'm afraid of people being judgemental toward me. Also, I'm afraid of them feeling disappointed because my achievements weren't up to their expectations.

Again, it is not that I have not done my best. I really did. Sometimes things just don't happen according to our will. If they do, we would be god and God would be just as ordinary as us. I wish only for the rest to please stop judging or even to feel sympathetic towards the matter because it only adds to my vexations without soothing the pains I feel deep inside.


It feels horrible to act as if I'm no longer disheartened by the matter 
simply because life has to go on and I have to be strong. :(

2 comments:

Jan Tie said...

Lucy heard Aslan's still small voice in the midst of the chaos of roaring waves, panic and a sea serpent; she heard him say, "courage, dear heart."

Praying for you, dearest.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14

ShuYi ♥ said...

You don't have to prove to anyone but yourself. Other people's judgement can never define who you are, because you know best and they don't live your life. :)
Just as you will always strive to be non-judgemental towards other people, these people, hopefully, are trying to do the same too. ;)