"Why do you need something totally useless and yet so expensive?"
There aren't reasons for everything, ma.
Melody
Sing for me, if you will.
Your voice will be the only sweet melody that flows not just into my ears,
but my heart too.
For my future husband, whoever you will be.
A Love-Song
I want to sing a love-song, a love-song for you, and only for you.
No words are perfect enough to depict the indescribable beauty of your creation
and your magnificent acts of faithfulness.
I stand amazed before you
For I can only marvel at your greatness and worship your abounding love.
Thorns you wore, blood your shed
To mend a broken soul.
You, only you.
If you will,
The blind may see and the lame may walk.
A terrified heart you comforted,
An empty life you filled with joy.
Freedom from bondage we claim because our ransom you paid.
Willingly you gave up your throne for us to believe in a tomorrow.
Not a thousand thank you is ever sufficient for me
to tell how thankful I am,
to be your child.
Love.
Rays of Hope on A Journey Worth Remembering
O Lord, I bring to you the weariness and disappointment that a heart so fragile and weak as mine could not possibly endure. No, I give you my heart, all of it. Mend it, O Lord, use it, and make it wholly thine.
To you alone I surrender my egoism and my pride.
A girl so deeply in love with her own thoughts, never stops assuming what she does are acceptable and pleasing in God's eyes. Yet she forgets to trust like a child and overlooks her own weakness to obey faithfully.
Chapter 1: Doubt Doubt Doubt
It wasn't even a delightful semester to begin with because failures have already marked the starting point predominantly. Results, utterly disappointing. Relationships, heartbreaking. Academic, super stressful. I was practically ashamed of myself due to my lack of abilities in making the best out of the opportunities given to me. I have to admit, I wasn't brave enough to face all the failures back then. I cried and I questioned God in hopelessness. How little faith my soul possessed! The next few weeks was a total disaster, meaningless and destructive as it was, nothing really succeeded in motivating me. The emptiness I felt within was so real and I kind of doubted if God existed. If He does, He will sweep away the dusts of regrets and change my slowly-dying heart with a new one full of love, hope, peace, and joy. I, no longer the O-Lord-I-have-a-burning-desire-for-You. The fire was at its tip of getting exhausted.
[ Here, I owe a big thank you to my mum, who never stops listening to my complains, heartaches, disappointments. She constantly encourages and reminds me of God's grace. Thank you mummy. ]
Despite being incertitude of whether I have chosen the right paths, I still prayed and waited quietly for His answers - my instinct told me that my God is faithful. Great works always require a certain level of patience, aren't they?
O God, I need miracles.
Chapter 2: Epiphany
I forgot what happened next for I have very limited memory space in my brain-drive. The situations were basically still the same. No, it became better each day. Not that I performed better in my academics (maybe I did), nor I am involved in a new relationship, perhaps it's the change of my perspective toward life. God showed me quite candidly the matter of success and failure serves only to boost our fame and popularity for a temporary period of time - the effects aren't even long-lasting. He told me not to focus on the worldly achievements, also not to bother how others may think of me. With a small but still voice He reminds me, I am your God, the God of second chances. Look to me and I will walk with you. Remember, My grace is ever sufficient for you. All your worries, all your anxiety are nothing compared to all the blessings I have showered on you.
Every morning I wake up a fresh beginning, knowing God is omnipresence. He walks by my side when I am well, He carries me when I am too weak for the challenges. Like a bird my soul experiences freedom and rejoices. No more second thought, I am living for you my dear God.
You are my child, ask and you shall receive.
Chapter 3: Hope Is In Every Breath That I Breathe
Though not immediately, I felt a ray of hope shining down upon me like the sunshine falling on my skin. The walls of doubt slowly crumbled, tossed, and torn as the words of God diffused into my blood and cells. I felt my soul renewed in the presence of Christ Jesus. I found new purposes in life, to aspire for God, not gold; to see the needs of the people, not myself; to boast the love of Jesus, not my accomplishments. Only God has the power to give me breath and will and hence I will breathe for Him alone.
I see faith in You, O Lord. You are my hope.
Chapter 4: Leaps of Faith
God knows exactly how I loath at the necessitate to give up something I am confident with in order to start another journey which I have no idea at all where it will bring me to. Honestly, although I understood clearly that it is God's blessing that I am offered a scholarship to further my studies abroad, I doubted whether or not I have chosen the right path for my future career. Again, God through a new friend of mine, reminded me that sometimes He closes all the doors except one. And that will definitely be the correct one. All we need is a mass of faith, not fear. Expect more from Him. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Faith is bringing along an umbrella when you pray for rain, and not even a raincoat when you pray for good weather.
Chapter 5: God Is Good All The Time
My flight back to my hometown was postponed because I was forced to attend BTN (Biro Tatanegara) camp which was scheduled at the second week of my holiday. (FYI, I was supposed to reach home on the second day of my holiday.) Good grieve, Lord! You know how much I wanted to be at home now especially after all the mess I have created here.
But just as love never fails, God never fails too. God made the camp enjoyable and I didn't have a single regrets having to attend the camp.God's blessings were far more than I could count with my ten fingers. I'll list down a few major ones.
1. I met new friends from IMU, KTT, and Intec. They are amazing!
2. Now I understood the Malaysian Constitution in details more.
3. More creative ideas for fun games, teachings next time. They taught us things in very creative ways which made things easier to be remembered.
Too bad I did not have the privilege to experience the excitement of playing flying fox. Whoever prayed for rain that day, shame on you. xP
Rejoice! Seek carefully, there will always have blessings in disguise in midst of all the troubles.
Chapter 6: True Love Obeys God
A friend of mine has a blog full of life-changing testimonials and breath-taking stories. I especially like a post written regarding a vision given by God about love. There were fleshes of images where the thorns of roses pricked his fingers when he tried to pluck some. Then he saw a girl who later helped him to clean his wounds. Amazingly the wounds disappeared when she finished cleaning the wounds. Not even scars were seen, pains were felt. Through the visions, he heard God telling him that the girl God will give him will be the one who will make him not just everything he is, but will also come in and take away the pain of his past, and exchange it for the joy and assurance. Very true indeed.
Ps. You know who you are. I sincerely apologise for using the content without your consent. Thanks.
I think, there are a greater message hidden behind the visions. God, more powerful than all mankind, sent Jesus, His only begotten Son to die for our sins on the cross. Only He has the ability and power to wash us as clean as snow, give us joy, hope, and love. Therefore, focus solely on God, wait upon Him and not the world for what He gives are without flaws.
A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her.
Last Chapter: A Walk to Remember
Life is full of hopes though sometimes we may not notice it. Even when everything seems to be only in black and white, we can still see and experience God's miracles at works.
God is romantic. He shows His love to all of us in a very unique way, far special than any men on earth could ever think of. In fact, He is our lover. And we, His.
I HAVE AN AWESOME GOD.
Hillsong Live - A Beautiful Exchange
You were near
Though I was distant
Disillusioned, I was lost and insecure
Still mercy fought
For my attention
You were waiting at the door
Then I let You in
Trading your life
For my offenses
For my redemption, You carried all the blame
Breaking the curse
Of our condition
Perfection took our place
When only love could make a way
You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange
My burden erased
My life forgiven
There is nothing that could take this love away
My only desire
And sole ambition
Is to love You just the same
When only love could make a way
You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange
When only love could break these chains
You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange
Holy are You, God
Holy is Your name
With everything I've got
My heart will sing how I love You
Credits :
songwriters: houston, joel
© hillsong publishing
You gave Your life, You erased our burdens, You lifted our bondage, as a beautiful sacrifice, simply because You love us.
Jesus, only You are worthy, worthy of our praises.
Blessings More Than Anything Else.
God is awesome, as usual.
Went to Mid Valley with Zhi Han, Farouk, Yi Sheng and Shah yesterday. Laser tagging was our main agenda but apparently our timing wasn't perfect enough. SO, we decided to go for rock climbing instead. And thus we arrived in One Utama. (FYI, this is the first time I set my feet on the land of One Utama. Yeppies!)
Afterthought:
I complained and felt as if I was put in the hell when I came to this college for various reasons. Day by day, God showed me His grace and led me through all the hardships and trials. He taught me how to perceive matters from different perspectives and enjoy His wonderful works and the companionship of my new found friends. I think I have become very attached to this place, the people and the scenery. =)
Nb. Cut your nails before you go for rock-climbing.
Went to Mid Valley with Zhi Han, Farouk, Yi Sheng and Shah yesterday. Laser tagging was our main agenda but apparently our timing wasn't perfect enough. SO, we decided to go for rock climbing instead. And thus we arrived in One Utama. (FYI, this is the first time I set my feet on the land of One Utama. Yeppies!)
Mid Valley.
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| FULL OF BEAR BEARS. <3 |
 |
| Wee~ Bear bear! |
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| Toy wonderland in Mid Valley. Ready for Christmas! |
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| Just do it. |
My first rock climbing. ♥
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| Overview. |
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| Shah climbs. Yi Sheng belays. |
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| Spidermen Shah and Yi Sheng. |
 |
| Farouk and I. |
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| Shah the crazy rock-climber. xD |
 |
| Woo! This is scary! |
 |
| Guess where is the cameraman? |
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| At the top! By Shah. |
 |
| Cheese~ |
 |
| Fighting with Farouk. Duh. |
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| Zhi Han and I. =) |
 | ||
| Yi Sheng, the stickman. |
Saying bye bye to rock climbing. To One Utama we go!
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| One Utama. Classic! |
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| In front of one of the stores. |
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| My favourite photo of the day. x) |
Last stop.
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| I wouldn't experience so much fun if you guys weren't here. Thanks! |
Though I felt as if my hands were not mine anymore, I learned and gained much more (valuable experiences) from this trip. And I really love my friends.
Afterthought:
I complained and felt as if I was put in the hell when I came to this college for various reasons. Day by day, God showed me His grace and led me through all the hardships and trials. He taught me how to perceive matters from different perspectives and enjoy His wonderful works and the companionship of my new found friends. I think I have become very attached to this place, the people and the scenery. =)
Nb. Cut your nails before you go for rock-climbing.
Desire to be Fulfilled.
I want to go traveling - to see the face of the world and leave my footprints all over the lands!
Every Hope Every Dream
Whether or not it will come true, it doesn't matter.
Making a wish is as simple as ABC, but to make it comes true, we can only pray with faith and wait patiently, of course not forgetting to do our own parts. Throughout this particular year, God has made me realise that I am in no position to make any final decisions in my life but to obey him willingly. I learned that falling does not always result in endless disgrace but a process of humbling and molding oneself.
This year is a relatively tough year for me. Broken relationships, failures, illnesses, deaths, etc. Honestly when all these happened, I doubted his everlasting promises, I questioned his perfect timing, I turned away from his wonderful plans. Nonetheless, he has never fail to show me his grace and mercy. He gave me hope when I failed my examinations miserably, he comforted me when I was struck down by the deaths of two friends of mine, he surrounded me with his unconditional love when I felt hopeless with humans' flaws. My dreams he built and shaped gradually through all the events I experienced. Despite some doubts (still), I knew his love will remain through all odds.
Having family celebrating one's birthday together is the best gift ever.
**********
God gives me the faith of a little child - a faith that will look to thee, that will never falter and fail, that will follow thee trustingly.
**********
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. - John 15:13
**********
Traveling, always in my blood. Charity, a tunnel to spread God's love. God, where my heart is.
**********
This year is a relatively tough year for me. Broken relationships, failures, illnesses, deaths, etc. Honestly when all these happened, I doubted his everlasting promises, I questioned his perfect timing, I turned away from his wonderful plans. Nonetheless, he has never fail to show me his grace and mercy. He gave me hope when I failed my examinations miserably, he comforted me when I was struck down by the deaths of two friends of mine, he surrounded me with his unconditional love when I felt hopeless with humans' flaws. My dreams he built and shaped gradually through all the events I experienced. Despite some doubts (still), I knew his love will remain through all odds.
There is hope in every heartbeat.
Cherish every second and strive to do better without dwelling in the past.
**********
Boys don't matter much in this phrase of life. Friends are. Ambitions are.
God is.
My Deepest Love for You
Your contagious laughter, your promising encouragements,
Your soft voice, and the sweet melody from your violin,
When and how can I hear them again except refreshing back the old pieces of my memories?
My heart ached when I heard your mother passed away,
But now that you are gone, even tears cannot comfort my soul.
You are too young still, you have dreams unfulfilled,
But regret not. God knows you have run a victorious race,
That is why you are there with Him now.
I miss you dearly but my heart fills with joy knowing you will be in the arms of our Father in heaven forever.
I love you.
I think I should stop complaining about the trials given to me.
Rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5
Love her. Make her smile.
既然喜欢她的笑，就不要让她学会哭。
Learned this very phrase from one of my friends: If you like seeing her smiling, don't teach her how to cry then. Basically, it is not letting someone you love and appreciate feels down/sad. Quite true though. In reality, often we will see people become moody or even jump off from buildings in the great name of love. But do they ever think of this before? People who love you will not let you cry. Those who will make you cry are not worth your tears. Of course it is not telling you to be a robot, feeling no sadness even after some sort of breaking ups. It is an experience to love and to be hurt. You will definitely feel emotional after all the heartaches. But then, after crying for a few days, weeks, months or even years, there is something you will need to learn - let go what is not meant for you. God generously gave his promise that he will not separate those he joins together. So why fear you will not meet Love again?
A Translator
Merely a translator I am,
Bridge between different ethnic groups.
Main task: Translating and conveying words
Aliens to my thoughts.
My ears observe and my tongue follows instructions
given by speakers of various languages.
It may sound poetic, with rhyme and rhythm,
Or even with adequate political or religious knowledge,
But none represents my own.
The voice - unheard.
Bridge between different ethnic groups.
Main task: Translating and conveying words
Aliens to my thoughts.
My ears observe and my tongue follows instructions
given by speakers of various languages.
It may sound poetic, with rhyme and rhythm,
Or even with adequate political or religious knowledge,
But none represents my own.
The voice - unheard.
Would You Lord
Would you still look on me with love after witnessing all my failures and weaknesses?
Would you cover me with hopes and peace when I am disappointed with myself and my work?
Would you colour my life if ever my world is becoming grey and is fading slowly?
Would you continue to water and nurture my soul if my flower is slow to bloom?
Would you still walk that extra miles with me when I am being indecisive and emotional at times?
Would you patiently correct me and wipe out the shame on my face when I am wrong again?
Would you kindly remind me of your presence if ever I am diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease?
Would you still proudly tell the world that I am your child when the whole world abhors me?
Would you mind to take this broken heart and mend it with your unconditional love?
Would you care if the only thing I could offer up to you is incomplete but is my all?
Oh God, I know you will never forsake me for you are faithful.
Paradox
It is ironic just how I am trying to be more cheerful and optimistic but I cannot. Sadness and its friends, they keep haunting me, though not every second. I am weary and tired but where can I find my refuge? Nothing seems right lately. I am worried and I am scared. But I have no one to turn to. Not that I do not have friends, but everyone has his/her things to bother. I really do not want to worry them. But I cannot stand alone. How can I ever think that I can walk this solo journey? I am not that strong after all. =(
Faith, where are you?
Hope, I really need you now.
Love, you seem so far away from me.
回忆。成长
随着时间的带领我们步入不同的时代
依然没有荣华富贵没有惊天动地的成就
偶尔的疯狂举动狂野的面世态度
却让一天的平凡变不平凡
试问此时此刻你心中在回忆着历史的哪一幕？
浮出的是那段曾经甜蜜美满的恋情
还是与死党成群笑闹做丢脸傻事之时
又或者是在你玻璃心上狠狠刻上一刀的他们
再试问有谁能信心十足的拍胸脯说
过去算什么？根本不足以让我留恋
更不可能约束我的举止行动使我牵肠挂肚
对本人而言
人生里有很多阶段
而每个阶段都具有它所属的目的
让我们成熟并确定我们未来的方向
在不同的季节里我们感受不同的心情
可以是白皑皑蔚蓝橙红或是粉蓝
全都是我们很重要的一部分
少了回忆 我们谁也不是
没有自己 一切都无所谓了
依然没有荣华富贵没有惊天动地的成就
偶尔的疯狂举动狂野的面世态度
却让一天的平凡变不平凡
试问此时此刻你心中在回忆着历史的哪一幕？
浮出的是那段曾经甜蜜美满的恋情
还是与死党成群笑闹做丢脸傻事之时
又或者是在你玻璃心上狠狠刻上一刀的他们
再试问有谁能信心十足的拍胸脯说
过去算什么？根本不足以让我留恋
更不可能约束我的举止行动使我牵肠挂肚
对本人而言
人生里有很多阶段
而每个阶段都具有它所属的目的
让我们成熟并确定我们未来的方向
在不同的季节里我们感受不同的心情
可以是白皑皑蔚蓝橙红或是粉蓝
全都是我们很重要的一部分
少了回忆 我们谁也不是
没有自己 一切都无所谓了
Rumours
I came across this statement few days ago, which made me realised that there are just too many things beyond my understandings.
It is sad when you finally come to a conclusion that your friends trust what others have said rather than You, their friend. As for me, I believe no one has the right to judge others, including creating rumours about them. Often what you see or hear is not really what it really is. How can you be so sure of a person's thoughts or feelings when you are not he/she in reality? God created every human uniquely and each part is built complexly. Nothing is so, is so. "Hey, I hear rumours about you." What's next? It will never end as people never stop gossiping. Silly creatures. Instead of believing bruits why not we take an initiative to befriend the person and understand him/her starting from beginning, without any prejudice? Every human is imperfect, the only difference is degree of imperfection. But no matter how bad you may label a person, in truth, he/she still has values which we can learn from, experiences which can help us grow, personalities which we admire.
It cannot be denied that communication and interaction are one of the hardest tasks in our lives. Selecting even a person to trust amongst all the others takes great courage and faith. I must admit that sometimes even I doubt the sincerity shown by others. However, without the first step, the future is a mere dream.
Rumours build up your character. Rumours tells me what kind of person you are. Rumours are sometimes true. Rumours are so intriguing that people always like to hear. Rumours has it that you are worthless as a friend. I'm lucky I'm not your friend. I never owe anything to you as a friend and never will as I believe being friends, there is no need to be calculative.Indeed there is no need to be calculative as a friend. But then, again, as a friend, how can a person be so judgmental, judging his/her own friends based on what rumours say? Rumours are told by strangers who think they know and understand you. Rumours do not recognise the truth but follow the flows blindly.
It is sad when you finally come to a conclusion that your friends trust what others have said rather than You, their friend. As for me, I believe no one has the right to judge others, including creating rumours about them. Often what you see or hear is not really what it really is. How can you be so sure of a person's thoughts or feelings when you are not he/she in reality? God created every human uniquely and each part is built complexly. Nothing is so, is so. "Hey, I hear rumours about you." What's next? It will never end as people never stop gossiping. Silly creatures. Instead of believing bruits why not we take an initiative to befriend the person and understand him/her starting from beginning, without any prejudice? Every human is imperfect, the only difference is degree of imperfection. But no matter how bad you may label a person, in truth, he/she still has values which we can learn from, experiences which can help us grow, personalities which we admire.
It cannot be denied that communication and interaction are one of the hardest tasks in our lives. Selecting even a person to trust amongst all the others takes great courage and faith. I must admit that sometimes even I doubt the sincerity shown by others. However, without the first step, the future is a mere dream.
怜惜今日，冲向未来
人生里会有几回童年？
人生里又会有几回的人生？
不要学习没关系 因为它不懂得事情的严重性 不懂得把握
不要让寂寞窜进 因为它没有与人共处的天赋 只会让你越陷越深
不要与后悔缠上 因为它模糊了未来的焦点 将使你失去更多
更不要相信如果 因为它是童话 没有根据没有推动力 反倒让你绝望
回忆是使我们成长我们的经验我们灵的一部分
绝非迈向未来旷阔蓝天的绊脚石
珍藏在心里偶尔回想叙叙旧就好
Missing You
How does it feel like missing someone?
You cannot help it but to feel like losing parts of yourself gradually.
How does it taste like when you think of someone?
I guess it tastes bitter sweet, so near yet so far away.
But who really cares?
I Love My Randomness
Semester exam starts next Monday. Then, first AS paper, 29 October. Can you imagine how fast time travels? Honestly, I can comfort you not to worry about all the coming exams but I cannot do it to myself. Seriously I am desperate for improvements. I am stressed, now. Maybe I am depressed also. I wonder how long should I endure all these? Learning should be fun but why am I feeling so moody? This is so wrong.
Ahh... Well, yesterday I decided wake up early to do my revision so I asked mummy to give me a morning call when she wakes up. So today she called. To cut everything short, she called twice. First at 6.00am, next 6.30am. I woke up at 6.45am. Mission failed. When I called her later in the afternoon to report the outcome of the experiment, she told me she almost overslept this morning (she went back to sleep after she called me). So I came to a conclusion. Like mother like daughter. It is genetic heredity.
Oh, by the way, how do YOU think of Bible? I think most of us tend to take Bible for granted. Anyway, we can get one whenever we want. But this is not true. If you are aware of the current situations in most of the countries, Christians are oppressed and persecuted. Holding a Bible itself is luxurious. Not to mention gather together to praise and worship God. Many are charged for owning Bibles. They are thrown into jail for singing praises to God. Their eyes see their loved ones suffer and die just because they refuse to renounce their Christian faith. Despite all these predicaments, they still hope and cling on to their faith. They witness God’s divine mercy everyday for being able to catch a glimpse of the morning sunshine.
These people, they are our brothers and sisters in Christ. We are linked by the blood of Jesus on the cross. We may not be able to stop the persecutions but there are things we can do, and we ought to do it. The most powerful one is through prayers. Get on your knees and PRAY for them. They need it. You think that you are too insignificant and weak to change the world? Yes, you are. Do not doubt it. That is why we need God. And God is not for us alone. So, again, pray for the people in other countries. They need the Lord.
Now the place you live may be peaceful and harmony. People seem to be able to tolerate and accept you being a Christian but who knows what will happen in the future? Equip yourself with God’s word. Put on the armour and prepare to defend your own faith for we are all the soldiers of the victorious God. God is our only hope.
Books = Stress? No I don't think so. I love reading though. After exam I am so going to enjoy myself for a while, doing all the things I like and feel like doing. =)
I know this is random but I still want to mention it.
I WANT A CAMERA!
I crave for one.
I desire for one.
I need one. =(
Freedom may be limited but dreams are ubiquitous.
My dream, for God.
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